Religion and my Dilemma

Religion and my Dilemma

I've been wondering about religion lately

where I fit in and where I don't

I've been wondering if god has forgiven me for the sin's I've been committing

is he counting the days until I'm gone?

is he watching to see when I'll repent?

When I'll come to my senses?

I've been wondering if he's upset that I've been reckless with his love,

and careless with his willingness  to forgive me

but I've also wondered has he forgot?

does he go by his rule of forgive and forget,

or does he remember,

remember that I keep doing the same things I ask forgiveness for every night before bed

is he forgiving me, or am I just filling my head with the thought that he does?

But here's the thing Lord:

I know i'm sinning,but let me be straightforward for a minute and ask for forgiveness later

It's just I like the way it feels between her legs, the warmness and the sweetness

the fact that when she holds me I feel love like I've never felt

The way her body feels against mine when we're laying and our bodies become one

and I know it's wrong but it feels so right. 

I'm trying to shake the feeling that I want her to be my wife, 

I'm trying to let her go so I can one day be with a man,

so I can fulfill your dream of reproduction for all

and that can be done with her too but I never want to question your motives and I never will

I just like the smell of her body and her hair,

and the look in her eyes that sends trills up my spine

I'm sorry for sinning and I know your watching me,

slowly but surely, and I know you haven't forgotten,

I'm trying my best to be just like you and live out your dreams,

so forgive me tonight while I fuck her, and move you from my mind,

and ask for forgiveness before bed, 

cause I'll be doing it again in the morning,

and if I day before I wake, I pray to you my soul you take and forgive me again. 

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