Upside down thoughts

When I was 10 years old I met my mother
She said "How come you look like me, but you don't know who I am?"
I said "I don't know" and walked away"
It was my 10th birthday.

I constantly tell myself that you owe me nothing,
I constantly tell myself that I have a need,
an obligation,
to help you,
help you rebuild you're so called life.

So I try,
I make money,
and I hand every penny over to you
I kill myself to put a smile on my face
when I know deep down
I feel like breaking
in a million little pieces.

Sometimes I blame myself
for the fact that I'm weak
very weak
My brothers and sisters
would never do these things for you
they would never want to take care of you like I do
they would never give you money like I do
and still I'm at fault for something

Gosh,
I can never do anything right..

I want this summer,
I really want it.
I feel very much like I deserve it
excuse me for being selfish,
actually I'm not.

Cause every pay check
goes right back to you.

These things are my life,
you have complicated my life
and still I say you owe me nothing
and Still I stand up for you
Still I defend you
still I lie for you

and at the end of the day
it will never be enough

What's next the blood from my body
I'll collect it all in a glass
and have you drink it
maybe then you'll be
satisfied.

Little Old Me

I can't say that I've change
After all I'm still just little old me,
Writing poetry,
Still trying to be happy
Running from Reality,
Still fighting these Demons in my head
Trying to be bigger than myself,
Taking care of everyone & forgetting myself,
As always...
Doing what others want
Passing out second chances,
Not thinking for myself,
Letting people in
I'm still little old me...
Still broken and in pieces
Crazy in the head,
fighting battles I know I can never win,
making wishes on dimmed stars,
Hoping for a quick end
I'm still little old me
nothing more,
nothing less.

Givers and Takers

There's two kinds of people in this world,
Givers and Takers,
Ones who put themselves before others,
and ones who put others before them.

I ask a lot of questions...Maybe you can answer them all
what do you get out of constantly giving your heart to her?
with absolutely no response
What satisfaction do you get from her ripping you to pieces?
Spitting in your face time after time?
Kicking your legs from beneath
while laughing at you at the same time?

You're a Giver
I get that
But Ma'am please answer my questions

Is it because,
she's the only one you've ever truly loved?
Because your body aches to have her?
because your a sucker for foolish lovers?
Because if you try hard enough
then maybe she'll feel the same?

well maybe you might now how I feel sometimes...

You're a Giver
since you won't answer my questions
I'll take that as why.

honestly I have no respect for people like you
people who degrade others for their own self benefit
People who scream for love
but won't accept it as it sits in their face
People who think their better

But hey,
you're my friend
I won't judge you
We all got our demons.

You disgust me for more reason than one
The fact that your a wanna be player
that you blame your actions
on those of another person
You're a taker.

Then there's me...Another Giver
I can never give her enough love because your here,
because she loathes to be where you are
because for every waking moment she lays with me
you will always be roaming her mind

And I stay
because I hope if I do everything right
maybe just maybe she'll love me

But who am I kidding...She's a taker too...
she's just playing games,
and I'm the perfect little toy.

However I'm wising up now
Taking care of myself a little
Remembering my feelings too
not giving out so soon

Cause Givers need to set limits for themselves,
cause takers rarely ever do.